Do you keep second-guessing yourself?
Do you tend to stress out over things you can’t control?
Do you let “bad things” bring you down for hours or weeks (rehashing it over and over in your mind)?
Do you let the shame of past failures or fear of future ones prevent you from putting yourself out there?
If so, practicing how to be “un-fuckable-with” is exactly what you need.
Being “un-fuckable-with” is the ability to detach from thoughts that aren’t serving us, learning to let them go in order and cultivate new, better, more productive ones so we can experience less stress and take action with ease.
This practice of self-mastery (as we call it in Positive intelligence) might seem unrealistic from where you are right now, and that’s ok, but becoming “un-fuckable-with” is actually easily achieved by five simple steps.
This is not a new concept, you might be familiar with it from spiritual practices that call it non-attachment, forms of therapy such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and mindfulness – they all talk about the ability to take control of our life and it all starts with mastering our thoughts.
You see, the way we think affects how we feel and how we feel affects how we behave. Our behavior, in turn, affects the results we see in our lives.
When we run on autopilot (like 95% of the time), it might feel like we have no control over our thoughts or any choice but to get upset, stressed, or frustrated – but the truth is we DO.
BTW – becoming “un-fuckable-with” is NOT being emotionally detached, cold, and not caring. It’s quite the opposite – when we learn to master our thoughts, we get back in the driver’s seat of our lives and can experience it all with more ease and from a place of pure liberation, peace, and joy.
• You won’t be controlled by your emotions – allowing you to act from a place of calm, clear-headed thinking.
• You won’t be attached to the outcome and become more resilient in the face of failure – allowing you to take action minus the oh-so-familiar crippling fear.
• You’ll be more peaceful and relaxed.
• You’ll feel more grounded and connected to life, and your sense of worthiness will increase, so you’ll no longer be seeking external sources of happiness and can experience more synchronicities, manifestations, gratitude, love, and joy.
Ok, this sounds wonderful… but you’re wandering HOW do you get there? Don’t worry! I got you…
1. Identify unpleasant feelings – start with paying attention to how you feel and use your negative emotions (shame, guilt, stress, anxiety, self-doubt, frustration, restlessness, or unhappiness) as a signal to recognize negative thoughts as our emotions don’t just appear out of thin air – they are always following a thought.
2. Identify the thought behind those feelings – backtrack and think, “What are my feelings reacting to?”, “What is the story in my mind?” but without judging it (this is a really important part!) – try to name them with neutrality. “Oh, I think that this is….. Interesting…” instead of “Omg, I’m so stupid that I thought that…” – see the change in tune? 😉
Pro tip: Start paying attention to the language you use, as it’s the mirror of our subconscious and thought patterns that you repeat. We all tend to repeat similar thought patterns – you can click here for a free assessment that will help you identify yours
3. Challenge your thoughts – our subconscious mind often uses lies and manipulations to keep us safe (hey, there reptilian brain 🐒🧠) but also keeps us safely tucked in the comfort zone, and it’s up to us to challenge it. To achieve this, it’s necessary to ask ourselves the following questions:
– Is this thought true?
– Can I absolutely know it’s true?
– Is there objective evidence for me to think this way?
– Do I recognize a bias/negative thought pattern in my thoughts?
When we’re caught in fixed mindset self-stories like “I am” or “I can’t,” or think things “must” be a certain way, we’ll end up looking for evidence to support our belief in our reality (confirmation bias), and our belief will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
With time (and practice), you’ll create space between yourself and your thoughts and emotions. So you can…
4. Replace the negative thought with a healthier rational one.
Is it worth it? Let me work it
I put my thing down, flip it and reverse it
Ask yourself what alternative (better, healthier, more productive) thought I could be thinking? If I was already truly “un-fuckable-with” – what would I think now?
This will help you see that A.your automatic negative thought isn’t the only way to go and B. will open your conscious mind to alternatives, helping you build new thought patterns that will advance you forward rather than sabotage your goals.
In the beginning, this technique might feel hard or even forced. But eventually, the more you practice it, the easier and more natural it will feel until it becomes your new thinking reality.
Pro tip: if finding a whole new thought feels too hard right now – it’s ok. Just put a “disclaimer” on your current one using “sometimes” or “yet.” 😅 I am anxious, SOMETIMES. I haven’t achieved this goal, YET.
5. Practice, practice, practice, and oh yeah… practice. Thanks to the neuroplasticity of the brain, we can actually create new, positive, long-lasting thought patterns, but it takes intense initial training.
Look, I know that becoming “un-fuckable-with” might seem hard or almost impossible to you right now, but I did it, and I’ve seen dozens of my clients do it, so I know you can too.
⚠ DISCLAIMER: becoming “un-fuckable-with” is not something you just-do-once-and-you’re-done kinda thing; it’s a state of being. We’re all humans, we struggle, we make mistakes, we let things get to us, and that’s ok!! BUT but learning this practice will SIGNIFICANTLY lower the frequency, intensity, and duration of every negative phase like this, and THAT’S A LOT 🙌
You can definitely practice it on your own, OR you can us at the Mental fitness Bootcamp. This program is intentionally designed to help you master you mind and create a sustained change towards a more positive mind (with ease) aka become truly “un-fuckable-with” , using a one of a kind combination of learning, practice and coaching.
Mental fitness Bootcamp is an 8-week transformational experience based on research that has included more than a million participants from around the globe, including CEOs, students, elite athletes, and sales, operations, and technology teams. These tools have been field-tested with thousands of tough-minded participants, ensuring their efficacy in creative massive life-changing results.
If you’re curious and want to hear more – please schedule a free, no strings attached call with me to see if this is a good fit for you, or click here for additional info!
Tell me in the comments, what do you think makes a person turly “un-fuckable-with”?
Jeni is the productivity coach for entrepreneurs and leaders who want to reach their goals stress-free, specializing in Mindful productivity and Mental Fitness (PQ). Want to learn more? Check out my website or come hang with me on the gram.